smell my finger.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
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