meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
