the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
