I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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