his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I fill condoms, not promises.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
