he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
