Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
