I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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