I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
She's like a pop up book from hell.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
