obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
