You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
We don't watch enough power rangers
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
