I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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