you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
