I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
