I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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