Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
