I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
