I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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