I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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