I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
