Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
