my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
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