I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
