Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
