wat bout pragnant strippers??
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
