every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
