I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
