No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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