Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
