Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
