My vagina just recognized that song.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
