On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
