i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
