i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I party with great urgency now.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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