I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
