dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
