just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
where are my eyebrows?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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