Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
