oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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