guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Randomize
