New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
