Joe is yelling at the trees again.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
