I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
