he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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