is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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