his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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