DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
