Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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