I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
