My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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