Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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