Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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