Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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