somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You are the jesus of drinking
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
