So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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