I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
