He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Randomize
