Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
