I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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