there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i wish my penis had a tongue
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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