Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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