I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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