White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
