somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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