Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
The beer is more important than you right now.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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